Down in a hole

Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb...in bloom

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who won't let himself be

Down in a hole, losin' my soul
Down in a hole, losin' control
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied

Down in a hole and they've put all
The stones in their place
I've eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty
Of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more
of my feelings beneath

Oh I want to be inside of you

Down in a hole, losin' my soul
Down in a hole, feelin' so small
Down in a hole, losin' my soul
Down in a hole, out of control

I'd like to fly but my
Wings have been so denied

-Alice In Chains-

And I Quote...

"Hey..it's a free country.., and you know, when it's free, there's no guarantee"
-some dude in the RoboCop movie-

Kelab Jiwa Luka

AM muncul dengan tak disangka-sangka tengah aku dan Nazmi ngeteh dan sembang orang dagang di tengah malam (aku pedagang, dia prospect). Patutlah aku macam kenal jer teksi luar bandar kaler biru tu.

AM macam aku juga, jiwanya luka. Luka terhiris surat bonus akhir tahun dan kenaikan gaji. Luka yang tak pernah terasa sejak 28 tahun. Dah sekian lama bekerja baru inilah kali pertama terjadi; tiada bonus diperuntukkan untuk AM. *haih..*. AM setiap akhir bulan pergi cucuk dinding dengan kad ATMnya sambil membawa harapan dapat kejutan gembira lebihan wang dalam akaun; agar dapat berbelanja baju raya untuk keluarga.

Cucuk punya cucuk yang timbul hanya gaji pokok yang dah tiada daun. AM kecewa. Sungguh tragis. Apakan daya. Kawan-kawan lain semua dah sibuk buat kira-kira.

"Berapa bulan kau punya?", "Kau pula berapa bulan?"

Dan sama macam aku, dapat surat itu cuma buat sakit hati saja, sebab sudah tahu memang tak dapat.

Satu kilang pun dah tau.

"Ada yang tak dapat la..sorang itu dan sorang ini"
"Iya?Siapa ek?"

Di sini dinding-dinding semua ada telinga selebar daun tingkap dan berkata-kata searticulate (kamus dewan!..kamus dewan!..kamus dewan!) Dina Zaman dan Tok Rimau.

Aku pula semenjak dari MPR (performance review da..) aku memang dah tak mengharapkan bonus mahupun increment, sebab setelah diukur, performance aku ditanggap dibawah par. Tapi hati aku tetap merasa pahit paing dan sakit hati jugak bila dapat surat bonus.

Dear iKaNbLuEs,
Bonus kosong, increment pun kosong. Cuba lagi tahun hadapan.
Tandatangan Direktor.

Nak buat macammana? Boss aku (bukan direktor) objektif orangnya dan dia tak boleh menilai subjektif, walaupun aku buat kerja macam nak tertinggung, kerana dia duduk di Wilayah Tengah. Sebulan tak sekali sangat datang menjenguk tanpa diundang. Apa sangat yang dia nampak.

Maka duduklah aku di sesi teh tarik dengan AM, Kelab Jiwa Luka di malam Bulan Ramadhan di pagar bintang. Mesyuarat Kelab Jiwa Luka melantik aku jadi Presiden dan AM sebagai Timbalan, beresolusi mencari pendapatan sampingan buat belanja raya.

Apa-apa pun, aku sedang menghitung hari dengan kesemua jari tangan dan jari kaki.


This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy went...
"Wee wee wee" all the way home...

I terForgot

Heh Heh.. i terforgot pulak.

I want to wish all souls who wandered here a Blessed Ramadhan.

May yourselves be more the wiser and stronger to face all trials and tribulations in life.

This is a No Brainer too..

I should be working now.

Maybe not. See, I resigned.

Yup.
Resigned I did.
Yup Yup Yippee Yup.

Tendered my resignation last Monday. The same day that I received the job offer. There will be no regrets.

I will be leaving end of this year. Will start anew by 3rd of January 2005.

Finally! After close to 7 years!

I would have said 7 wasteful years but I really did picked up a few lessons along the way.

Next post, I'll attempt to do a post-mortem of those years, all the bloops and blunders.

Yeah. That will be fun. Dissecting everything and everyone in this Giant MNC. What a cool way to serve my three months notice.

Okayh

Went for job interview two Fridays ago.
Went for another job interview last Monday.
Got a second job interview for the job I was interviewed for last Monday today at noon.
Still waiting for results from the interview two Fridays ago.
Got another interview at a third company tomorrow morning but it will be like 300km away. Therefore have to remember to get those bus tickets.
Remember to apply leave also.

Alhamdulillah.

Lal laa la lal lal laa.. Laa lal lal la la.. (to the tune of The Smurfs)