I am The GateKeeper

Yes I am.... and a Bloody Irritated one too. Not irritating but irritated, please note.

Only ‘Those Who Has Been Bestowed With The Card’ like Us can enter this ‘Realm of Trial and Error’ because we are a being one too many notches away higher than all other beings. Be envious. ‘Those Who Has Been Bestowed With The Card’, like us, gets to wave the card at the door and lo, thousands of minions and imps rush to release the catch, and we, ‘Those Who Has Been Bestowed With The Card’, thus enter.

However, to enter this place, those lower grade beings Without The Card, would have to ring the bell. We don’t use gargoyle-shaped heavy metal ringed knockers. No. It’s because we are using heavenly tinted glass doors.

You ring the bell. Yes.

You ring the bell that goes “ding donggs” (note the echo) by rearranging the puzzle at the gate, clues given. You have only 3 tries to solve before the resident Demented Gay Dragon who has fetishes for beautiful boys in glasses/spectacles/eyewear grabs you down to his lair, keeps you as his sex slave and keeps a cool collection of designer glasses.

Nahhhh…..*flicks both wrists in one swift up and down motion*

Just push the button. This will send electronic signals to the bell upstairs and there will go the bell. That literally says to me, the GateKeeper, that there are ‘Those insignificant-and-pesky-like-flies-to-manure beings Without The Card’ who wishes to enter this Realm of Trial-and-Error.

BaHh! Nuisance!

Me, as the GateKeeper, must ensure that only those with significant business be allowed to step in. GateKeeper ask for Identification and GateKeeper will push button. Minions and Imps will come to to do GateKeeper’s bidding.

Procedure goes more or less like so…

PeskyBeings at the gate push bell;

Bell : *Ding Dongs*

GateKeeper : Yo Who There?

ThosePeskyBeings : It is Us, PrettyDamnUgly and SorryExcuseOfAnAss

GateKeeper : Wot Business?

ThosePeskyBeings : We wish to see The Oracle, MokLongSelamoh.

GateKeeper : *Looks at MokLongSelamoh* The Oracle? So now you’re The Oracle? What happened to your fetishes with Darth Vader?

MokLongSelamoh : *pish* *posh* The force is still strong with me. *pish* *posh* But now I have gone soft and bake cookies. *pish* *posh* Let them enter.

GateKeeper : *Frown and Shrugs* Okie..*push ‘door open’ button.* You may enter, Ugly dude and Ass dude. Change to Realm Sandals and leave yer filthy boots outside. And say Thank You O' GateKeeper.

ThosePeskyBeings : Thank you O'GateKeeper

...and so ThosePeskyBeings enter.

Except for the MokLongSelamoh part, the rest is usually how it goes. Okay, maybe not the Thank You O'GateKeeper part too, but then again it would be nice if people can be civil and say a thank you or two. Yes?

And theeennn, there are those who Sekolah Tinggi Tapi Tada Baca Punya Orang:

STTTBPOs at the gate push bell;

Bell : *Ding Dongs*

GateKeeper : Yo Who There?

STTTBPO I : *Pull Door* *Pull Door* Eh? Cannot open meh? *Push Door* *Pull Door* *Push Door again* Why cannot eh?

GateKeeper : Yo?

STTTBPO II : *Push Button again* Have to wait la, maybe.

STTTBPO I : *Push Button summore* No Lah! Push button, door open one!

GateKeeper : Harlooowww…. Yer I/C number please??

STTTBPO II : *Push Button* Push or Pull? *Pull again Pull again*

GateKeeper : Yooooohooooooo……

STTTBPO I : Dunno, try both *Push door* * pull door*

STTTBPOs : *Push* EaaargHhhh! *Pull* EaaargHhhh! *Push* EaaargHhhh! *Pull* EaaargHhhh!

GateKeeper : Ooi! Oooi! OOOIII…………!!! My FrigginG DOOR!!

STTTBPO I : Still cannot. Sumthing farked up. Who la go and install bloody stupid door. See now people cannot go in.

GateKeeper : *sigh*

STTTBPOs : *Goes back to the receptionist and complained.*

Yes. Some people are dunggoos enough to understand the concept of Identify Yourself and Enter with Permission. Dunggoos.

That is why I am now a stressed GateKeeper.